Adventures in Reality: Akatsuki Kittens
by itachilover16
Summary: When Sara, an asexual otaku of extreme proportions, finds ten kittens on her doorstep, she doesn't know what to think, except that she's going to keep them. OVERUSED KITTEN PLOT ALERT! You've been warned. Rated T for dirty mouths.
1. Enter! Akatsuki Kittens and Sara

So, it's that overused kitten plot! Although there probably won't be pairings, I'm open to whatever. Hell, I have a sequel planned in my head. Haha, by the way, this could be considered a self-insert. I hope you fellow Naruto/Akatsuki fans enjoy~! I know I'll have divertido writing this. Dont forget, reviews are love~. I'm not _trying_ to be a review whore, but it'd be nice to hear what's wrong with your fic. That being said, I don't tolerate flames. They're deliberately hurtful and mean and can break someone in half. If you decided you didnt like my story so far, then just leave. It's as simple as pressing the back button. Or, if you think its not too good but it has potential, book mark it and come back in like two months. I won't be mad(though I will get depressed). Im done blabbing. Read the A/N or don't. On to la historia~(Sorry if you don't understand Spanish. I just random use it to spice things up lol)  
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Itachi would be alive and he would have his own solid gold statue. No questions asked.

* * *

I was actually getting off my lazy ass to get the mail when I spotted a small cardboard box. I didn't know what to make of it, so I ignored it at first.  
"Junk, junk, junk, damn where is that reply I've been waiting for since July?!" I groaned, shoving the mail into my jacket.  
"Nya~!" I heard from the box. I raised a brow(admittedly, I can't raise one without raising the other, but I'm getting better at it.), squatting down to get a better look. The wind whipped harshly against my body and I prayed I wouldn't have school tomorrow due to Hurricane Sandy.

"Hey look, a box!" I exclaimed, pseudo-cheerfully. Carefully, I opened the lid and ten pairs of eyes looked back at me. Immediately, I let my guard down. Come on, this is a box of kittens we're talking about here! Kittens are probably the only thing that could make me melt completely. "Aw, kittens." I cooed, carelessly reaching my hand in to pet the nearest one, a brownish kitten with stitch-like markings over his body. He bit me, but I ignored it.

"Bitch, I have a cat and she bites the fuck out of my hand when I provoke her. Your baby teeth ain't got nothing on her's." I told him, like he could understand. I believed animals could at least get the gist of what we were saying to them. Maybe that's why my dad gave me funny looks when I talked to my darling cat Alice. I'm ashamed to admit I named her after Alice from Twilight(I was thirteen and obsessed, but I have seen the error of my ways!). The brown kitten, who I mentally named Stitch, begrudgingly unclamped his teeth from my hand. I smirked, scratching the kitten behind his ear. The wind suddenly picked up and I felt the tiny pitter of rain. I closed the lid and calmly walked back into my house, whistling one of the band songs that just would not get out of my head.  
I somehow made it past my dad, who I knew without a doubt would take the kittens to the ASPCA. Let's face it, I may as well have shot the kittens right there if that had happened(the ASPCA near me was in some trouble, since they were unlawfully euthanizing animals).

When you walk into my room, you may notice the Inuyasha posters I have on the opposite wall first. Then as your eyes traveled, you'd see my single sized bed. The lamp would catch your eye, as it sat between my bed and make shift bookcase/bed stand. To your immediate left would be a dresser, with a small silver tv with a Verizon top box set underneath. A body mirror sits on the wall, showing yourself all the things you don't want to see. Behind the door(with a sign that says 'A princess sleeps here, no boys allowed), the wall juts out, a fedora covering the the handle to the closet. Finally, you'd see another dresser, knick knacks of all sorts covering the top. And that concludes the mental tour of my room.  
I set the box down on the floor, turning and running back down the stairs to give my dad the mail. He shrugged off the direction I came in and took the mail.

"Thank you Sara," he ruffled my blonde head affectionately before looking through the junk. I patted his shoulder and practically skipped back to my room. I sat down on my bed, crossing my pajama clad legs and gazed absently at the box. This lasted for five minutes, until I heard scratching. I kneeled down and opened the lid, only to be attacked by Stitch and his apparent partner in crime, the silver furred kitten with purple eyes. I easily pinned both of them under my scarred pale hands, giving them a victorious smirk.

"You're not gonna win that easily babes." I scooped them up and tossed them back into the box. "Who else wants to get their asses handed to them?" The kittens  
stared, then huddled into a circle. "Aw, it looks like a conference or something." I gave a tired smile, falling on my back. I crawled my way to the pillow and took off my glasses. Setting them aside, I closed my eyes. Sleep came instantly.

...

..

.

Hidan was still licking his wounds when he saw the human female fall asleep. He growled and wanted to go over and scratch her face but Pein stopped him.  
"Hidan, control yourself." he cooly commanded, his eyes narrowed. Hidan muttered obscenities under his breath but grudgingly obliged."Does anyone remember what happened?" Konan questioned from Pein's side. Everyone squinted their eyes, trying to discern what had happened.

"I remember a flash of light," said Kisame. "and then that chick is in front of our faces and I've become my own predator!" he yowled dramatically. Deidara frowned, thinking it over.

"Do cats eat shark?" he asked. No one heard him, except Tobi, who draped himself over the irritated blonde bomber.

"Deidara-sempai, isn't Tobi kawaii~?!" Deidara narrowed an eye at him, pushing the lollipop off of him.

"No! Now shut up Tobi!" Pein growled.

"Behave you two," Pein said lowly. Deidara and Tobi jumped into stiff positions.

"Since we are incapable of protecting ourselves at the moment, we shall stay with this human." Pein decided, looking into everyone's eyes, his Rinnegan eerily flashing. Nods and grunts were his answer. Pein, Konan, and Zetsu climbed onto the bed, curling up in the corner.

"Oi, Leader!" Hidan yelled, "What the fuck are you doing?" Pein glared at him with his Rinnegan.

"Sleeping. I was rudely woken up before we became kittens." He closed his eyes, ignoring the rest of the Akatsuki. Itachi glanced blankly into the distance before hopping onto the bed and curling up beside the girl's head. She tiredly curled into the shinobi turned cat, her hand draped across the length of his body. Itachi ignored it for the moment as he closed his eyes.

...

..

.

It was a few hours later that I woke up. I checked my phone to see it was seven. I fell asleep at four. I felt weight on my body and looked down to see the silver furred kitten snuggled into my cleavage. I pulled myself up groggily, feeling my back scream in pain. I've had back pains since I was nine or ten, so I was pretty used to them. The kitten protested as he fell, pulling himself back onto my chest. Perverted little guy.

"Ok, off the fabulous teenager please." I shoved him off then noticed the other kittens scattered about. I had to hide them from my dad, because let's face it, he wasn't going to let me keep ten kittens. Good thing my room is connected to yet another room! As long as the kittens kept quiet and didn't attract attention that is. I scrunched my nose, concerned. The other room was probably freezing, because the door was closed. Heat was essential to the kittens. Maybe I could build a little nest or something out of blankets. I stood up and stretched, irritated to find that my skin was heated, but not enough for me to sweat. I groaned and walked over to the other room, opening the door and relishing in the coolness. A few kittens followed, curious.

"This is basically our attic," I said aloud, the silence eerie. Plastic bags spilling with clothes lay on a forgotten mattress. A twin sized bed sat in one abstract corner. This could work. I mean, they'd have a place to cuddle up that wasn't hard floor. I swiftly rearranged the blankets so that the kittens could curl up into them if they wanted. I went back in my room and grabbed the water dish I kept for my Alice.

"Ok, now to gather ze kittens." I swiftly closed the door, shutting five kittens in the room. The other five were sleeping on my bed, so it was easy to get them in the room. I noticed one was black and white and I nearly squealed.

"Oh Hidan's Jashin, it's a Zetsu kitty!" I picked him up and hugged him to my chest, showering his tiny head in kisses. The kitten bit me but I ignored him. "He even has the little green patches. Oh poor baby, someone must've dyed that part." I tossed him in with the other kittens, quickly gathering the rest into my arms. I closed the door behind me and I smirked at the little bundles of fur.

"Now that I think about it, I have to name you guys. I mean, I can't just generically call you by your species." I grabbed the nearest kitten, the big blue one with gill-like markings on his cheek. I stroked his fur, causing the big kitten to purr deeply.  
"Hmmm..."

...

..

.

Kisame liked the feeling of getting pet. It was like a back massage, the way the girl's fingers kneaded into his skin."You guys gotta try this!" he mewed to the others. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and grunted at Kisame. Itachi kept staring at the large girl, noting her mannerisms were somehow familiar to him, though he was sure he'd never met her.

"How about Ciel? You like that kitty?" she said in a cutetsy voice. Kisame nodded, not really caring what she called him as long as she moved those magical hands.

"Ugh, I'm terrible at naming things. I'm sorry if one of you babes are unsatisfied with your name." she said to the group. Sara picked up and cradled Itachi, scratching him behind his ear.

"I like the name Midnight. What do you say darling?" Itachi stared blankly, his Sharingan whirling. Sara tilted her head in confusion. "You know, you remind me of Uchiha Itachi, the greatest person to live in a fictional world." The Akatsuki's eyes collectively widened. How did this girl know about them? They listened with rapt attention, but she said no more on the matter and switched Itachi for Pein.

"Your name shall be Monarch." she said after looking at him for a bit. "You seem kingly so Monarch fits." Sara picked up Konan next.

"Are you the only chica here? Poor baby. I'll give you a muy bonita name." Sara closed her eyes briefly. "How about Angel? What's more beautiful than that?" Konan licked her cheek. Sara giggled, petting the female kitten thoroughly before grabbing Kakuzu, but as she leaned forward, a neatly folded ten dollar fell forth. Kakuzu's ears shot frontward, his stare piercing the money.

"Ok Mr, what's your name?" Sara glanced in the same direction as the brown kitten, taking note that he liked money. "Oh, that's right, I named you Stitch." She set him down and he raced to the bill. Sara gave him a strange look as he cuddled up to it, purring up a storm.

"Well then. Ok, next up, Pervy!" Sara pointed to Hidan. "Why Pervy you ask? I woke up to you practically salivating while sitting on my boobs. Anyway, onto the last four kittens!"

...

..

.

I picked up the orange faced kitten, unease filtering my system. He reminded me of someone, but who? The kitten seemed eager to get his name and even licked my hand. I kissed his nose and decided spontaneously.

"Lollipop shall be thy name." I placed him down and grabbed the blonde-ish kitten. "You can be Clown Demon!" The blonde kitten gave me a cat version of the wtf face. I cackled evilly before grabbing the red kitten. He gave me a blank stare, like he didn't really care about anything in general.

"I'm naming you Sarcasm, cause if you could talk, I'm sure it'd be very sarcastic." I looked at my Zetsu kitty and grinned. I could name one kitten after the Akatsuki.  
"You are Zetsu, my dear love. It's only fitting, as you are a Zetsu-kitty." Now, I don't know how, but the kittens sent me these really strange looks. Zetsu looked like he wanted to bite me again, or maybe lick my hand.

"Sara! Get down here!" Oh shit. See, my dad makes our whole family watch Jeopardy, almost religiously, every night at 7:30. I quickly kissed Ciel's nose, dumping him onto a pillow nearby.

"Gotta fly. I'll sneak some food up later, kk?" I flew down the stairs, nearly colliding with my dad.  
"I was sleeping, sorry." he accepted the excuse and I steeled myself for a half hour of zoning. I sat next to my mother, who was playing her Black 2. Yes, my mom plays Pokemon fuckers. That's why she's the coolest mom ever.

And so, with my dad, brother(you'll meet the bastard later), and mother, I ended another day, albeit this one had gone from normal to not. After all, I had found a box of kittens lying by the mailbox. Who knows, maybe something crazy will happen, like the kittens actually being the Akatsuki.  
I snorted. Yeah right Sara. That stuff only happens in fan fiction...or does it?

...Nah, it does only happen in fan fiction.

* * *

So how'd you like it~? Leave a review por favor! Oh, if the lines are spaced weirdly it's because of something wrong with ff. If not, nevermind. I'll post the next chapter around Saturday. I've got it all typed up nice and neat. Who knows, if I get enough reviews, maybe I'll post it earlier~? Next chapter will have a time skip, simply because day to day life with kittens sounds pretty boring~. Well, Ja ne~!


	2. The Big Reveal, the Akatsuki!

So I'm back~! Thanks so much for the nice reviews minna~! They literally made my day~! _**Anyway, I've decided to write a special Turkey Day chapter****!**_ It will take place in the future of this story but not that far into it. I'll post it tomorrow when I can. I still havent finished it yet hehe. Oh, just if you've forgotten, here's the kitten's/Akatsuki's names...I don't remember why I chose Clown Demon for Deidara. It was a spur of the moment thing.

Pein: Monarch  
Konan: Angel  
Itachi: Midnight  
Kisame: Ciel  
Hidan: Pervy  
Kakuzu: Stitch  
Deidara: Clown Demon  
Sasori: Sarcasm  
Zetsu: Zetsu  
Tobi: Lollipop

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Tobi would'nt have been a megalomaniac.

* * *

It was a week later when I discovered something about the kittens. For future reference, let me just say that hiding ten kittens from your dad is extremely difficult, especially when you know he goes into your room when you're not at home. Luckily, the little bundles of fur had the insight to stay quiet. I was always on edge around my dad. I don't know if he was suspicious or what, but he always asked me why I was cooped in my room.

"Anime," I replied with a secret smile. He shrugged it off and I guess forgot about it. It was a Saturday now, and I didn't like leaving the kittens alone for so long. I usually allowed them to sleep with me in my bed. I tucked the laptop under my arm and hauled it and the plug up to my room. I set it all up, remembering vaguely to lock the door. I didn't want anyone or anything to come into the room while I let the kittens roam free. After that was done, I set them loose.

"I'll be watching my show darlings." I told them, plopping down onto my bed. Midnight, Ciel, Sarcasm and Angel joined me, somehow all of them managing to sit on some part of my body. Ciel purred deeply as I scratched behind his ear. I noticed he liked when I touched him. It was somewhere between when I first turned the computer on and when I turned it off that I was forced to believe something very unbelievable. To explain, I have to set the stage first.

I was, for some probably masochistic reason, watching Itachi die for the nth time. With my breathing hitched and tears flowing down my cheeks, it was then that this diverted from the norm. I hadn't noticed it at the time, but Midnight had begun typing on the keypad.

"Midnight? What are you doing babe?" I kissed the top of his head, squinting at the words. 'IamUchihaItachiandIneedyourh elp.' My eyes widened and I pushed the laptop and the the cats off of me. I stood up and ran to the corner, nervously looking at the crowd of S-rank criminals(or so I was led to believe). I took in each of their appearances, mentally comparing them to the Akatsuki. Stitch's stitches. Ciel's gills. Midnight's eyes changing color. Lollipop's orange mask like markings. Oh my god, the most obvious one, Zetsu.

"Oh Hidan's Jashin! You're the Akatsuki!" The kittens gathered around me in a circle, with Pein and Konan stepping forward. "Holy shit, I think I need to sit on this one." I slid to my knees, my hands holding my head up. I slowly took deep breaths, in an effort not to start hyperventilating. I mean, I've only hyperventilated maybe once or twice, but hey, I know it's not fun. So I tried to stay calm. I was proud to say I did.  
Nearly fifteen minutes later I spoke. "Thank you, Pein. It's not every day that some of your favorite characters magically appear in front of you." I dragged a hand through my blonde locks, letting out a sigh. "First things first, we've got to change you back. Now, most fanfictions I've read call for water, cold and hot. I'll get both, so you guys stay here and wait."  
I ignored their scathing looks and bounded down the stairs, my mind racing to all the possibilities of the Akatsuki showing up on my doorstep...

...

..

.

Pein's gaze cut through the girl like knife through butter. Sara grinned nervously.  
"Oops, sorry Pein-sama." she said, tagging -sama on as an afterthought. Pein lifted a regal head, licking himself dry. Pein had been, unexpectedly, the test subject. Sara turned to the group, picking out Kisame easily.

"Ok, since you actually like water, you can have the hot water." she unceremoniously dumped a steaming cup on his head. When nothing happened, Sara sighed.

"Well that's all I got. Maybe the water was too cold?" she muttered to herself. Kisame frantically shook his head, tears squeezing out of his eyes. That water had been boiling and she thought it was too cold? "The solution doesn't lie within H20. Think Sara, think!" Sara dropped onto her bed, putting a hand to her chin.

'You know, I kind of remember how we got here, un!' Deidara said, surprising the ones that could hear him. Sara looked curiously at Clown Demon er...Deidara.

'Speak then!' Pein commanded briskly. Deidara nodded.

'Well, it was late at night when the ninjas attacked! They used some strange flashing jutsu that sent us here, hm.' If he could, Pein would be face-palming.

"Hey! Maybe some hot chocolate will help me think." Sara skipped to the kitchen and proceeded to make herself some hot chocolate. The Akatsuki sweat dropped, listening to her rustling in the kitchen. A few minutes later, she came back with a sweet smelling drink. She sipped it hesitantly, the hot liquid sliding down her throat. Kisame jumped up beside her and looked down into the dark drink.

"Kisame, right? This is hot chocolate. I don't know if you have chocolate in your world, you probably don't considering the Japanese background or maybe you do, but in your form right now I'd advise not to drink it. Chocolate is poisonous to felines and canines. It's because of a specific enzyme that they lack that doesn't allow them to properly digest chocolate." Kisame let her drone on, uninterested in the mechanics. He felt drawn to the liquid and as such, dipped a blue paw into it.

Smoke clouded the scene.

...

..

.

I honestly didn't expect Kisame to stick his paw in my hot chocolate. My protest died in my throat though when smoke instantaneously popped into existence. I coughed violently and felt a large hand patting my back. The smoke cleared rather quickly and I was facing a very um, _naked_ Kisame. I hid my face in my hand, my face tomato red.

"Oi, kid what's the matter?" he asked in his Kisame way. I pointed downward, too mortified to even speak. He laughed, his laughter was very booming I noticed, and said,

"What, _that_?"

"What do you mean '_that_'? Dude, just just no." I replied, "Wait here, I'll go get some clothes. I think I'll take Konan along, so as not to traumatize her." I scooped the blue kitten up and sprinted down stairs. My dad's clothes might not fit the blue shark perfectly, but he'd have to settle for it. I tossed a large shirt over my shoulder, along with a pair of boxers.

When Konan and I had returned, we were met with the sight of a naked Itachi. I nearly drooled at his muscles but swallowed my spit and tossed Kisame his shirt and boxers.

"Ok, no one else is turning back." I said, grabbing the cup of mocha and downing it in one gulp. "If you haven't noticed, there's not a lot of space." I turned to Itachi and Kisame, trying to keep my eyes above waist level. I hid Konan in my shirt, so she wouldn't be tainted. "So what's the story? How'd you end up as kittens in front of my house?" Itachi shifted and I gave his face my attention.

"First I would like some clothes." He asked, not too coldly but not friendly either. I grinned nervously.

"This is why I just drank all of that hot chocolate even though it was piping hot. Because if I'd left you alone, you'd all be naked in my room." I put my other hand to my chin,  
"Wait, this is a_ bad_ thing?" I shook my head. "Both of you, just come with me." I led Itachi and Kisame back down the stairs, making sure to put Konan with the rest of the Akatsuki. I closed the door and bounded down with vigor. Rushing past the naked Uchiha(you know, I could get used to this), I swiftly pulled some clothes for him from the dresser and thrust them into his hands. when I turned back around, he was fully clothed.

"Did you two want anything to eat?" I asked. The partners shared a look and Kisame grinned while Itachi simply nodded.

"Yeah, let's see what you've got." I entwined my arms with both of their's and was tempted to skip but restrained myself.

"I can make some kind of sandwich but I'll guarantee it won't be like anything you've eaten." I told them, letting go of my hostages and opening the refrigerator. Itachi grabbed a few fruits and silently sat at the table. Kisame spied the meats and pointed with his sharkish grin.

"Can I have one of everything?" I nodded, smiling brightly. I motioned him to sit while I prepared the food. Kisame is the only person I'd ever make a sandwich for. Maybe Itachi too but he did just get fruit.

"Here you are my sharky friend." I set the bursting pile of food in front of him. Kisame grinned, ruffling my hair. I sat down next to Itachi, waiting patiently for the duo to finish. Not surprisingly, Kisame was done first, though he only finished a little ahead of the Uchiha.

"So down to business." I stated, my tone turning serious. "First of all, why were you kittens? And how did you get here? I'm pretty sure that you're in a different universe or dimension, whatever you want to call it." I looked more to Itachi than Kisame.

"We were attacked by enemy ninja while we were resting. I am not aware of how they found us, but they used a strange jutsu." Before I could comment, the side door opened and my parents and twin brother stepped in.

"Aw fuck," I muttered, staring down at my dad with dread.

* * *

So that's it. Sorry if it wasn't up to standard. Don't forget to review darlings~! Oh, and I hope you'll tune in for my Thanksgiving chapter~! They'll all be in their human forms and who knows, maybe there'll be foreshadowing~? Hmmm~?


	3. Special! Akatsuki Thanksgiving

Konnichiwa minna-san~! Happy Thanksgiving! As I told you yesterday, I was going to write a special Thanksgiving chapter! It takes place long after chapter 2 and some of the Akatsuki may appear out of character. Also, it may get a little boring, but please bear with it. Chapter 3 will come out sometime within the week. Personally, I don't like it very much but I did type it up in less than a day. Well I hope you enjoy~! Don't forget to review~! Yosh~! Oh If my historical accuracy is off I apologize. It's been so long since learning about Thanksgiving.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Gaara and all the other Jinchuriki would be the most loved people in the world.

* * *

"Ohayo minna~!" I yelled cheerfully at the half-awake Akatsuki. "Happy Turkey Day!" It was only seven in the morning. I grinned as some Akatsuki greeted me back. I guess they were getting used to my loud, optimistically pessimistic demeanor.

"Fuck what'd you say bitch?" Hidan asked with a spoon in his mouth.

"It's Thanksgiving you little zombie bitch whore." He grunted at me, slumping forward. I ignored him and his spoon. Wait, why did he have a spoon...?

"What's Thanksgiving, un?" I turned the creepiest smile ever toward Deidara. He scooted back and attempted to jump behind Sasori. Too bad Sasori was sitting on my left, sleeping on my shoulder.

"If you wake up this precious child I will_ cut your balls off_ and I can guarantee Kakuzu will not sew them back on." I snarled. Deidara straightened, still as an army soldier. "Now, I will tell you guys a story. Once upon a time somewhere in the 1500's or 1600's, the date is very shady, people called Pilgrims came to the New World, now America, seeking religious freedom. They landed and eventually met the Native Americans. The Native Americans, referred to as Indians, showed the Pilgrims how to live on the land. Otherwise, the Pilgrims would've starved. So after their first harvest, the Pilgrims and Native Americans held a gathering of thanks, which is now called Thanksgiving. Basically, you give thanks and you get to have a big feast." I took a sip of my water after that long speech.

"Are there any specific foods?" Konan, surprisingly, asked. I nodded.

"Oh yeah. Usually you take all day to cook the turkey. I guess you have cranberries, stuffing, mashed potatoes, peas, corn sometimes, um yam I think, ooooh pumpkin pie, and I guess that's it. I'm probably missing something." I tried to think hard, but I only shrugged.

"Sounds like fun." Kisame grinned. I nodded enthusiastically.

"It definitely is. Family is supposed to come over but none of ours do because our house is small. Or because of our attitudes. Who knows?" I stretched, ruffling Sasori's soft hair. "Come on Sasori-danna, wake up." Sasori blinked tiredly and I had to suppress my squeal. You have no idea how _adorable_ a just-woken up Sasori is. He stood up, grabbing on to my arm. I guess Sasori was really clingy. I didn't mind though. Sasori brought out my maternal instincts.

We left the Akatsuki in the basement. Since Sasori was still tired, we returned to my warm bed. I slid in next to Sasori, my arms wrapping around his shoulders. Before you ask, no, we weren't together. As I said before, Sasori brought my maternal instincts out.

I laid there with my iPod on, one blue earbud inserted into my ear. Sasori's breathing evened out and he unconsciously snuggled closer. I bit my lip to stop from squealing aloud. It should be illegal how adorable he was. I moved his bangs a little bit, running my fingers through his hair. He would never admit it out loud, but Sasori genuinely liked being treated like a small child. I smiled a bit, thinking this was a Kodak moment.

_Click_. I tensed as a flash passed over my eyes. I whipped my head toward the masked man, irritation showing on my face no doubt.

"Obito." I growled. "What the fuck man?" He chuckled, removing his mask. I snorted at his scarred face. He knew I was helpless against it. I mean come on, you'd have to have either no heart at all or a black hole for a heart if you didn't feel bad for the ex-Konoha ninja.

"Just trying to make warm fuzzy feelings." he sarcastically said. I puffed up like a pufferfish, narrowing my eyes.

"You show that to Deidara or Hidan and _I will rip your head off with my bare hands_." I threatened. "And_ I am_ psycho enough to do it." He smiled mirthlessly.

"Speaking of that, I have a proposition for you." That sure caught my attention. I raised my guard tenfold.

Thankfully, we were interrupted. "Ne, Sasori-no-danna, wanna play video games with me-?" Deidara froze as he saw Tobi. Obito had heard the loud bomber and had calmly slid his mask on, giving me this weird stare. I gave him a sadistically merciless grin.

"Deidara-sempai~!" Tobi whined, "Sara-chan is so mean to Tobi~!" I giggled.

"Sorry Tobi. It seems I've taken this child under my wing. I'm just protecting him like a mother bear." I shamelessly told the duo. "And Deidara, if you think of picking on this wonderful puppet, I will do unspeakably horrible things to torture you. Same goes for that religious freak Hidan." I unlatched the former-puppet, sliding out of my bed. He turned a little bit looking for my warmth(awww~!) but eventually he settled down.

"As you can see," I continued speaking, "Sasori is tired. We did kind of have a Sailor Moon marathon on my iPad. So I'll take up your offer of gaming, because I need to kick someone's ass and Anthony is too fucking good." Deidara snorted.

"Watch me beat you, un." I smirked, reaching up and hooking my arm around his neck.

"You're on bitch."

...

..

.

I cackled as I beat Deidara for the 35th time(but really, who's counting?) in a row. Deidara growled and would have broken the Wii remote if I hadn't wrestled it out of his grasp. Tobi clapped, glomping the shit out of me.

"Woot! Go Sara-chan!" he screamed. I winced. Damn, Obito really got into his Tobi persona. Oh well, I didn't care either way. Both were annoying to me. "Ara gomenne, Deidara-sempai!"

"Shh Tobi! Inside voice!" I scolded. Tobi screeched, putting a hand on his mask, approximately where his mouth would be.

"Sorry Sara-chan." he whispered. I sighed, patting his head.

"It's fine, as long as you know to be quiet. People are sleeping ya know." Tobi nodded. I briefly hugged him back and I felt a chill go down my spine.

"We will be communicating later." Obito gruffly said. I nodded to show I understood and he chuckled. "Good girl."

"Bastard." I growled. Deidara gave me a suspicious glare. I let go of Tobi, smirking at Deidara. Truthfully, I loved the little bastard(Deidara, not Tobi). I mean, I did yell at the computer the entire time he fought Sasuke.

"I challenge you to another round, un!" he told me. I shook my head, yawning. I reached into my bra, pulling out my iPod. Deidara's face went red, but from what was anyone's guess. I checked the time. It was only nine.

"Who wants to watch a movie?" I asked. Deidara tilted his head, curious, his anger forgotten.

"A movie, un?" I felt myself face palm.

"Right. It's kind of like a tv show, except it's usually longer, ranging from an hour to five." I explained. Deidara put his finger on his mouth, much like a child would. I smirked, patting his head.

"Let's watch one, un!" He demanded. I shushed him.

"Hush darling. We'll watch one." My eyes widened when he tackled me, squeezing tight.

"Yay!" I chuckled, smoothing his blonde hair. Deidara may be older than me, but he acted like I was his mom or something. Wait, that's Sasori. "Can we wait for the others, or at least Kisame? We can watch it in my room." Deidara grumbled.

"Fine." I skipped to the kitchen, sliding into Itachi. He steadied me and I smiled brightly at him.

"Hi Itachi-san~! Deidei and I are going to watch a movie, you wanna join us?" He shrugged and I took it as a yes. "Great! Where's Kisa?" He pointed behind him and I grinned at the shark.

"Before you ask, yes I'll watch a movie with you guys." I clapped happily.

"Yay! Let's get some popcorn! There's this one movie I really wanna watch. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. It's supposed to be really good and I read the sequel to it." I babbled excitedly because _damn it_ I'm going to watch a movie with part of the Akatsuki. Who wouldn't be excited? I ruffled around the cupboard, trying to find the popcorn. I pulled it out triumphantly, smirking.

"Do we really need popcorn, hm?" Deidara asked, impatient. I nodded.

"Oh most certainly sir."

"Come on Dei-chan, let's go wait for the popcorn to be done." Kisame dragged the blonde off, leaving me alone with Itachi and Tobi.

"You know, I feel like eating something sweet." I said to the two Uchiha, who I both knew had sweet-tooths. Itachi hid a smile, I just sensed it. Obito...well I wasn't too sure about him.

"What do you suggest, Sara-san?" Itachi asked. I rocked on my heels.

"Well, I would love some chocolate." I placed a finger on my lips. "Wouldn't you?" Itachi dipped his head like usual.

"Yes." he simply stated. I skipped over to the fridge and pulled out my chocolate. I broke off a piece and held it out to him.

"Here." He took it with grace and placed it in his mouth to eat. I turned to Tobi. "Here you are Tobi~!" I cheerfully did the same thing I did with Itachi.

"Tobi thanks Sara-chan~!" He chirped, munching on the chocolate. The microwave dinged and I pulled out the hot popcorn.

"Let's go~!" We quickly made our way to my room, finding Sasori and Deidara in a glaring contest with Kisame laughing in the background.

"Brat." Sasori acknowledged me, "What's the other brat doing here?" I sighed, putting the popcorn down and patting Sasori's head.

"We're going to watch a movie. You should join us. I think you'll like the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo." I fell onto my bed, pulling the unwilling former puppet into a hug. He got all defensive and shit once he was fully awake, but when he was half-asleep, Sasori was generally a willing victim.

"Fine." he grumbled, pushing me away slightly. I gestured for the guys to find a seat anywhere. Kisame plopped into my bean bag while Tobi was sitting like a little kid in front of the tv. Deidara, Itachi, Sasori and I all squeezed onto my tiny bed. Of course, I was sitting horizontally on top of them. My head rested on Itachi's lap while my feet were on Deidara.

"Kisa darling, hand me the remote?" Kisame tossed me the black clicker of magicalness and I switched on the tv. It took a minute to find the movie(the silence was filled with Deidara's complaints)and put it on. I went past the one commercial and leaned back to enjoy the nearly three hour film.

...

..

.

"Wow." was the first thing out of Deidara's mouth. I turned off the tv, stretching like a cat.

"It was amazing~!" I said, getting off the three males. "I absolutely _loved_ when Lisbeth smashed the golf club over that psycho's head." Kisame yawned, rubbing his head.

"What time is it?" he asked, somewhat tiredly. I checked my iPod again.

"Twelve. Just in time for lunch." We head downstairs in a daze, and I was the last in the long line of people. Before I could even make it out of my bedroom, a hand grasped my arm, spinning me into Deidara.

"Deidei, what do you want now?" I asked, somewhat cranky. I wanted food god damn it!

"Why are you so comfortable around us?" he asked. I gave him a startled look.

"Dude, you were all my kittens. You slept in the same bed as me and sat on me and played with me. Why wouldn't I feel comfortable around you?" he suddenly grew angry.

"But we're criminals, Sara!" I shrugged.

"Yeah well a lot of my friends think I'm going to end up a criminal and they might be right. I was one of the most likely to kill someone, behind Kayleigh and Josh of course." I answered quite nonchalantly. "Come on it's Thanksgiving. We should be all happy and full of thanks, not thinking about these things." He sighed but released my arm. I made a face when I saw it was slightly wet with saliva.

"Fine. I'll play along, un." I pinched his cheek, looping my arm through his.

"Good. Let's go get some food. It's not time for the big feast, but we can still eat something." We joined the others in the kitchen.

"Smells good un." I nodded. The turkey smelled heavenly. My dad was over by the microwave, cooking something else. I kissed his cheek in greeting and slid into my usual seat on Kisame. He didn't mind much at all. I waved cheerfully(and somewhat stupidly)at Konan who came up from the basement.

"Konnichiwa Sara-chan." She briefly pet my hair before sitting gracefully in a chair that appeared out of nowhere. Nowhere people.

"Hi Konan-san~!" I greeted. "We're going to eat, did you want to join us?" she smiled, Konan has a really pretty smile, and nodded. I got up and began bustling around for some cereal or meat to make a sandwich.

"Who wants what?" I asked them.

"Cereal is fine." Konan said, "That chocolate one, please." I immediately grabbed a bowl and a spoon, moving through the motion of making cereal. I set the bowl full of delicious chocolate rounds in front of the supposed angel(well, I guess she really was an angel).

"What does everyone else want?" I asked as I put the milk away.

"Tuna sandwich."

"Ramen."

"Tobi wants some more chocolate~!"

"An apple would be fine."

"Fruit."

I got Itachi's apple and Sasori's fruit, sacrificing some chocolate for Tobi. Feeling generous for the masked man, I got out a piece of my chocolate cheesecake. He squealed and attempted to glomp me. I sidestepped him, sweat dropping. I flipped the switch for our magical water pot thingy for Deidara's ramen. I then made Kisame's sandwich, pecking his cheek as I gave him his tuna.

"Thanks kid, you're a doll." I was ecstatic. Who wouldn't be when Kisame calls you a doll?

"I try darling." I placed a hand on my heart. "I honestly try." I yawned a bit, grabbing a stray piece of turkey off the counter. My dad hit my hand lightly with a spoon.

"Ow. Daddy, why?" he chuckled.

"No turkey before everyone else." I pouted, my eyes widening.

"Aw." I said dejectedly. "Fine. I'll just have ramen." I got out two cup ramens, placing one in front of Deidara. The water heater switched off and I poured boiling water into both cups.

"Itadakimasu." I said, blowing gently on the hot noodles after three minutes. Everyone had sort of drifted off and now it was only Deidara and I in the kitchen. I could hear Kisame's boisterous laughter in the other room, probably at someone's expense.

"So Deidara, are you guys gonna eat with us?" I asked after the silence was too much. He grunted.

"I don't know." his tone was somehow sad. I reached over and grabbed his hand on impulse.

"You ok?" I asked, concerned. He looked away, pulling his hand free. I felt a twang of hurt pierce my chest, but skillfully hid it with a smile. I threw my cup out and headed downstairs. Hidan would make for a good cheering up session. I found him on the couch(I stopped caring that things would show up randomly in the house), flipping through channels. I flopped onto his chest, snorting with laughter at his surprised groan.

"Bitch you weigh a ton." he said, pushing me off. I sat on my legs next to him.

"Hello to you too zombie bitch whore. Whatcha doing?" he gave me a pointed stare.

"What does it look like bitch?" I sighed.

"It looks like you're trying to find porn. You'd have better luck looking through my baby pictures." I smirked as he gave a disgusted look.

"I'm sick but not _that_ sick." I shrugged. At least he admitted it.

"Same difference." I bit my lip, "Ne Hidan, you know I love you guys right?" He gave me a flabbergasted scowl.

"Course bitch." I hugged Hidan, feeling better.

"Thank you bitch-cakes." I could feel Hidan squirming uncomfortably so I let him go.

"Yeah yeah whatever. Why do you hug everyone so much?" he scrunched his nose in distaste. "It's weird."

I placed my finger on my chin, "I grew up like that. It's second nature to me I guess. Hugging is constant to me." I stretched, falling onto the plush cushion.

"Hm." he curtly said, then went back to his tv. I felt myself getting sleepy. Funny, I didn't think I'd ever trust Hidan enough to sleep in front of him. I mean, I named him Pervy for a reason.

I guess there's a first time for everything.

...

..

.

I woke up to a finger flicking my forehead. I groaned, batting at it.

"Wake up." The deep voice could only belong to one person. I sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"Hai hai Pein-sama." Pein, in Yahiko's body, grunted. He tapped his foot impatiently.

"Now would be good." he said. Truthfully, Pein was the only one who honest to god scared me. He was the leader of a criminal organization. That seemed pretty scary to me.

"I'm coming I'm coming." I stood up and he roughly grabbed my arm, dragging me with him. "Ne, where are we going?"

"Somewhere." he shoved me into someone. I glanced up at Tobi's mask.

"Thanks Nagato." his voice became deeper. "Come along little girl." I grumbled tiredly.

"Tobi found Sara-chan~!" Tobi plopped me into a seat and I realized that oh my god, it's Thanksgiving!

"Thanks Tobi." My mom said. I looked around the table.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked my family. My dad shrugged.

"They all just disappeared suddenly. I think they went out back." I puffed my cheeks.

"Wait for a second." I commanded, rushing out to the backyard. Sure enough, the Akatsuki were training. Being ninjas, they saw me immediately.

"Yo, Sara, was the food good?" Kisame asked. I ignored him, to his astonishment.

"You...you bastards." I lowered my face so they couldn't see my eyes. "Why are you out here?" Something about my tone made them all stop. "I asked, why are you out here?"

Sasori stepped forward, "It's a family thing, right? We didn't want to intrude." I leaned forward, fire burning in my eyes.

"Then you should be there." I told them. "You guys are family. Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind." Hey, Disney references really can make sense in real life!

"You sure you want us for family, bitch?" I turned toward Hidan.

"Positive." I bluntly stated. "Now are we going to eat or not?" A bunch of complaints later, we were sitting around the table, digging into the large quantity of food. The joyful atmosphere warmed my heart right up. They may be criminals but the Akatsuki were mostly human too. Hell, even Zetsu was there. It was possibly the best Thanksgiving ever.

"I can't wait till Christmas!" I cheered. The Akatsuki looked confused.

"Christmas?" Kisame asked. I gave a truly evil smile, one that probably sent shivers down everyone's spines.

...

..

.

"Why would you go so far?" Pein asked Madara. The masked man stayed silent. "Answer me. You tell me and the others not to get close yet look at yourself." The orange haired man crossed his arms at his supposed superior.

"I do what I want. Don't forget that, _Pein_." Madara hissed. "What I decide, goes." Pein's eyes narrowed as he stood straight. He walked past Madara, but not before giving him a warning.

"You'll only hurt that child more." Pein re-joined his subordinates, much to the surprise of everyone. Obito stayed in the corridor, listening to the talk of the table. He heard footsteps and prepared his Tobi persona, but relaxed when it was just that infuriating girl.

"Hey Obito." she mouthed, carrying a plate of food. She handed it to him, sliding down to sit unbearably close to him. This girl didn't know the definition of boundaries it seemed.

"What is it now, girl?" she shrugged, mindlessly tapping out a rhythm on her knee.

"I just thought you'd be lonely." she laid a head on his shoulder. "Sorry if I'm intruding. I'll go back now." she stood back up, disappearing from sight around the corner.

Obito began to quietly eat his dinner and felt that there was something different about the food. Maybe it was the all around cheerfulness, but it was warm like that girl's aura.

Heh, maybe he could get another piece of that cheesecake.

* * *

That's it~! Again, the quality was low, but I guess it was still heartfelt. Meh~ Drop a review~! I love that feeling when I see an email that tells me I got a new review~! If only I could figure out how to respond~ Well, Ja ne, and have a happy Thanksgiving~! I'm off to watch some more of that Castle marathon~


	4. The Big Reveal pt 2

I'm back minna~san~! Thank you for all the nice reviews~! They make me smile so stupidly at the computer screen~! I seriously am very grateful for your kind reviews~. I am now on chapter five in my writing. I'll upload chapter four when that's finished. On a different note, it's snowing~! So I'm officially in Christmas mood. I'm also in a _Nightmare Before Christmas _mood. Maybe this'll show up in my writing lol.

_Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Kisame would have his own harem._

"Who are these guys?" Dad asked, rather rude for him, staring at Itachi and Kisame. Anthony, my twin, recognized them instantaneously.

"Aren't they Itachi and Kisame from Naruto?" I stood up, gesturing the two to stay seated.

"So here's the thing. They're actually from Naruto. These two are the real Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame. They got turned into kittens and sent to our world and landed up on our doorstep." I said in a rush. "I secretly took them in a week ago and just found out not even an hour ago about this." I finished. My dad looked dumbstruck while I nervously curled my fingers.

"They're fictional?" was the first thing he asked. I nodded. "I guess we can keep them." I squealed and hugged my dad, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you!" I whirled to face Itachi and Kisame, "It seems we're now housemates." Kisame laughed while Itachi, as always, remained impassive.

"So how many are there?" my dad asked. I gave a nervous smile.

"You're going to love this. There's ten of them." He didn't react like I expected. He just stood there looking blankly into space before nodding.

"We're going to have to do some shopping then. I don't think we have enough clothes for them." I suddenly got a devilish idea. Kakuzu would totally be up for it.

"Maybe you could leave that to me?" I asked, hopeful. Kisame was instantly staring a hole in my head at the change in tone. My dad shrugged then nodded.

"Sure. I'll drive." I held up a hand.

"We'll do it later. Right now, we have to change the Akatsuki back to their original forms." I looked to Itachi and Kisame. "Could you please bring everyone but Konan down?"

"Sure thing kiddo." Kisame ruffled my hair as he walked past. Itachi paused in his step before inclining a head toward me. I beamed and attempted to wink. It was terrible. Itachi patted my head softly, almost in a teasingly scolding manner, before following his partner. They were quick to bring the kittens down. Hidan was yowling as he and Kakuzu spat. I sighed. Maybe Hidan could stay a kitten for a while longer?

"So how'd you get Itachi and Kisame human?" Anthony asked curiously. I snorted with laughter.

"Kisame put a paw into my hot chocolate. I'm guessing Itachi did the same?" Kisame shook his head.

"No. After you left, Itachi-san kind of just turned back on his own. He wasn't anywhere near your drink." I filed this fact away.

"So it seems partners are connected?" I hypothesized.

"It appears that way, Sara-san." I rolled my eyes but didn't say anything else. Wordlessly, I began making more hot chocolate. It took about ten minutes for the water to reheat, but when it did I was ready with the cup and mixture.

"Ok, let me stir it before we see if it works on the others." I stirred fast, trying to get done sooner so I could glomp Sasori. "Here," I laid the steaming cup in front of them. The first one to confidently stick a paw into the chocolate was Hidan. A poof of smoke appeared, much like before. The instant it did I felt a hand grab my boob. I reacted much like anyone. Slap the bastard and scream at him till he learned not to grope people.

"You fucking zombie bitch! Bastard get the fuck off of my delicious breasts! They're too good for you motherfucker!" Of course, Hidan didn't let go. He actually squeezed them.

"Heh, they were as soft as they looked." Another poof of smoke flashed and a tentacle removed Hidan's hand. I looked in the direction of Kakuzu.

"Thank you Kakuzu dear!" I yelled. "I has a devilish idea that you might want to listen to," I added nonchalantly. Kakuzu raised a brow at me. "But not now dearest." I grabbed Pein and stuck his paw in the substance before more smoke poofed into existence.

...

..

.

Konan could understand why the others had left her. Once she regained her original form, she raided the girl's dresser for clothes. She held up a pair of ripped gray skinny jeans and a black and dark blue striped shirt that accentuated her chest. She had seen Sara wear it once or twice and had taken a liking to it. Thankfully, Sara was about the same size as the paper-using shinobi.

Konan wandered down stairs, drawn in by the voices of her comrades. She came into the kitchen, unprepared to see everyone but Kisame and Itachi completely naked.

"Sara-chan is so mean to Tobi!" Tobi wailed, flapping his arms. Sara had a panicked look on her face.

"You want to hug me, yet you're still naked! I don't want to get hugged by a naked Tobi! Think of the scars you'll inflict on my psyche Tobi! _Think of the scars_!" Konan gazed at the teen, allowing a small, amused smile to grace her lovely face. Sara felt someone's eyes on her and turned to glare at the perpetrator. When she noticed it was Konan, her eyes softened.

"Hi Konan dear." she greeted, moving closer to hug the woman. Konan was surprised but squeezed the girl in return. "Please make them put clothes on," the teen whimpered pitifully. Konan chuckled at the distraught girl and nodded.

"Of course Sara-chan." Konan directed a smile toward her fellow Akatsuki. "Minna, if you would please get dressed so we may discuss relations that would be best." The unclothed Akatsuki shuddered as they heard the promise of violence in her normally soft tone.

"Where can we obtain clothes?" Pein asked, turning to Sara. She gestured with her hand to follow after her. She walked a short distance around the corner and ventured into her brother's room. Her family had quickly gotten bored and went off to do whatever. She pulled a few boxers and pants from his drawers, along with a shirt for everyone but Hidan.

"Hurry guys hurry!" she urged, tossing clothes at everyone. The shinobi quickly dressed under the threat of Konan.

"Now, where shall we begin?" asked Pein as soon as Sara turned around.

She grinned.

...

..

.

"Pein-sama, if you would all come with me, we shall discuss everything." I told the orange haired shinobi. He stared with his Rinnegan before nodding solemnly.

"Very well." I gestured him to follow me back to my bedroom, because that was the biggest room in the house beside the basement. As we changed location, I noticed Deidara was standing unnaturally close to Sasori. He looked excited about something. I filed this away to analyze it later and ascended up the stairs to my room. I stood, waiting for the shinobi to become comfortable. Pein and Konan stood to my right, awaiting what I would say. Once everyone settled down I spoke.

"Hello Akatsuki. I'm Sara, but you may have noticed that. Um, well, how to put it exactly. You are in a different dimension. One where you're anime characters in an anime called Naruto drawn by the magical man known as Masashi Kisimoto." I calmly told the S-rank criminals.

"Fuck, seriously?!" Guess who? Hidan of course. I nodded, smirking.

"Yep. Luckily for you, I was the one who found you. Otherwise, you'd still be kittens, possibly for the rest of your lives." Everyone looked grim at that. I guess it wasn't so fun being a kitten after all. "We still have to figure out some things."

"Like what?" Kakuzu grumbled, "How to get money? I know nothing of your currency." I rolled my eyes.

"Oi fucker, not everything is about fucking money!" Hidan cursed at the immortal. "Jashin will devour your soul heathen bastard!" I shook my head at the hatred.

"Can you guys not argue for ten minutes?" I asked rhetorically. Kakuzu answered anyway.

"If this fool would just die then there would be no problem."

"Whatever. I'm willing to show my hospitality by letting you stay here until we figure out how to get you guys home." I said to mostly Pein. "Because guess what? You guys don't know the first thing about my world and it'd be dangerous to let you loose." Pein's gaze cut into my soul, debating.

"Thank you," he grit out, giving a slight tilt of his head. My tense shoulders relaxed.

"But there are some rules." I stated. "Please, no killing. I'm not gonna explain a dead body to my parents. That means no sacrificing Hidan. I'm sure Jashin understands. Next up. Money. If my parents can barely afford to feed two teenagers, then they can't afford ten criminals. You'll have to make money somehow. Pick pocket or something. Rob a bank maybe, but disguise yourself." I pointedly looked at Kakuzu. "Next up, no going anywhere without your partner and/or me or my brother. And always use a disguise, because some people will recognize you."

"And why should we listen to you, hm?" Deidara asked in a slightly rebellious tone. I raised a brow at him.

"Seriously Clown Demon? I just explained that you know nothing of this world. You wanna walk around there confused or not? Like it or not, you need me." Deidara backed down, grumbling under his breath.

"What about us?" Zetsu asked. "**We eat people.**" Luckily for him, I had already thought of that.

"You can raid a morgue. It might not be fresh but hey, it's food." Zetsu sighed dejectedly. "I'm sorry Zetsu babe." I patted the plant man's shoulder. He sunk into the ground, his head just above the wood.

"Anything else?" Pein turned to me. I bit my thumb in thought.

"Not at the moment. Ok, I need to talk to Kakuzu in private." I grabbed the miser's arm and dragged him to the room in the hallway.

"What do you want?" he grumbled irritably. I gave a devilish grin.

"Well I was thinking that we could go shopping. And then I thought to myself, _'Huh how would Kakuzu figure out how to get clothes and food without paying?'_ Then it hit me. You'd just steal them! But our food and clothes stores are different. They have barcodes and labels and metal detectors that sense when someone tries to steal something. Not to mention all of the security cameras. But you're all ninja. I'm sure you can peel off the labels and barcodes and hide everything expertly. Well maybe not Deidara or Hidan. So what do you think?" He placed a hand on his chin.

"I'm sure I can think of something with this information." he grunted. Something hit me at that moment.

"Ne, Kakuzu, why is Tobi part of the Akatsuki? Sasori is still there so-" I froze as he gave me a dry look.

"Sasori died and Tobi took his place." I felt my jaw drop.

"Then how is Sasori here?" I hissed. Kakuzu shrugged nonchalantly.

"I don't know. Go ask him yourself." I skipped back to my room to find the Akatsuki talking quietly amongst themselves. I draped my arms around Sasori's neck, causing him to stiffen.

"Sasori-danna, I have to ask you something." I said. He didn't relax but turned his head slightly. I realized with slight astonishment that Sasori was breathing. He was a puppet, so why should he breath? And then I felt the warmth of his body and my mouth dropped open.

"What is it brat?" he snapped. I shook my head.

"You're alive." The Akatsuki around us stopped to stare.

"What do you mean he's alive, un?" Deidara asked. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand and pushed it against Sasori. He recoiled but I held fast.

"Besides the obvious fact that he died, Sasori is breathing and warm. Isn't he a puppet made of _wood_? He shouldn't be breathing or have any kind of warmth." It clicked in the blonde's head. God this is why I hated being blonde in the first place. People assume you're stupid because of your hair color.

"Sasori," I let him go and turned him around, "tell us what happened to you." He sighed.

"Like you said, I died. I just kind of floated in this place of complete darkness until I met my parents. We sat and talked around a fire and the next thing I know, I'm in a box with these guys." It sounded like the experience that Kakashi went through when Pein killed him. I glanced around at the other Akatsuki.

"Did anyone else die?" I directed toward the S-rank criminals. They all shook their heads.

"We were dividing up who chased what. But we did capture the Two Tails." Kisame supplied. I breathed a sigh of relief. Kakuzu and Hidan were the next to die if I remembered correctly.

"Good, ok I can work with that." I sighed. "Ok, Itachi-san, Sasori-danna and...Konan-chan. Would you like to accompany Kakuzu and I to the mall? We need to do some serious '_shopping_'." They each nodded their assent. "Ok great! Ano, Leader-sama, can you make sure the rest of these guys behave please?"

"I will not have them disrespect our gracious host. Consider it done." I smiled and wanted to give him a hug.

"Thank you so much Leader-sama!" I glomped him quickly before leading the others out. "Come on guys, we gots us some shopping to do!"

This ought to be good.

* * *

That's it! Drop a review and let me know how you like it. I get those little fuzzy feelings whenever I see a new review/favorite/follower. Well, I'm off to write that essay on Napoleon that's due tomorrow~! Adios~!


	5. The Big Reveal, pt 3

Hey~! Im back. Sorry for the delay minna~ I've become captivated by _Homestuck _recently and have spent almost every waking moment reading it. It's been four days since I started and I still haven't caught up. It's long but totally worth it, though the beginning is so boring you'll want to stab your eyes out. XD. So there's my lame excuse~ If something has an asterisk(*) after it, it will be explained in the bottom author's note.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, the Fourth Hokage and Kushina wouldn't have died. Then Naruto wouldn't be lonely throughout his childhood~.

* * *

So, we somehow managed to all fit inside my dad's Prius for our little mall adventure. I convinced Sasori to sit on my lap, as there were six of us and four seats in the car. To say it was cramped was an understatement, but hey, torturing people(even those S-rank criminals you love so much) is so fun!

"Ne Sasori-danna, can I sleep with you?" I asked quietly, my tone filled to the brim with innocence. His heard turned so fast that he got whiplash. I pinched his reddened cheeks, cackling to myself.

"W-what?!" he whisper-screeched. I patted his soft red locks.

"I meant in the same bed, not having sex. Sasori-danna, your mind sure is dirty." I laughed. Sasori groaned in exasperation.

"Ugh, why me?!" he asked, half-curious, half-mortified. I shrugged.

"Well, I've already got it planned out, partners with partners. Konan and Pein-sama, along with Itachi-san and Kisa-chan will sleep in the room connected to mine. Kakuzu and Hidan will have the basement. Tobi and Deidara get the room across from mine. And Zetsu can sleep wherever he feels like it. But then I remembered you and thought it wouldn't be fair to put Sasori-danna with two idiots so he can sleep with me in my room!" I gave a warm smile. "I don't know why, but I feel really, maternally protective of you. Maybe it's because you've had a hard life and whatnot. To be honest, I wanted to steal all of the Jinchuriki and just smother them in so much love~" I hugged his midsection, burying my face in his back. Sasori stayed quiet.

"...Fine." he consented. "I'll...stay in your room." I smiled widely.

"That's a good Sasori-danna!" I cooed, reaching up to tangle my fingers in his hair.

"We're here." my dad said, quite cheerfully, ending mine and Sasori's conversation. He rolled the Prius to a stop in front of the McKinley Mall. We lived about ten minutes away, but I was hoping he'd take us to the Galleria Mall. It was larger, and we'd be more conspicuous.

"Thank you Daddy!" I yelled loudly. "Um, would you mind staying here? We've got a large group and it would be boring for you. Please?" I didn't want my dad to know we were going to steal stuff. I was feeling guilty for even thinking of it in the first place.

"Sure baby girl." he said. I sighed, opening my door. Sasori climbed out and extended a hand to help me out. I gratefully took it with a smile.

"Thank you Sasori-danna." I politely said. Sasori just nodded. Konan climbed out, looking slightly green. Itachi was stoic about it and Kakuzu grunted. I sighed, grabbing Sasori's hand.

"Come on guys. Let's go shop!"

...

..

.

Well, good news is, we didn't get caught! Bad news...well there isn't any. Everything went as smoothly as possible. I'm glad I took the mostly stoic, smart shinobi with me. I let out a breath I hadn't known I had been holding and Itachi turned to look over at me. He, surprisingly, gave me a half-sympathic, half-stoic stare(come on, this is Itachi we're talking about).

"So as agreed Kakuzu, $400 a day. Anything else you can keep." I had made a deal with Kakuzu. He'd give me $400 out of his 'earnings'(let's face the facts: Kakuzu would do anything to get money and I'm sure he could make over $2000 a day) so the Akatsuki could live with us. This money was to be used on any food they ate and clothes.  
Speaking of clothes, we had stolen and bought so many. Although they were all in sealing scrolls, I knew we had a hell of a lot. I managed to convince Kakuzu to let us buy something, so we wouldn't walk around with nothing in our hands. Kakuzu had been pick pocketing people he passed(I don't know how, I didn't really care either), so he had a lot of money already. I just took my $400 earlier than he thought.

Thankfully, our house was close by so we were able to unload everything fairly quickly.

"You may rejoice my good people! For I have returned!" I burst into the foyer, noting that everyone was obediently quiet. I whipped my head back and forth, trying to look for the cause of their silence.

"Shhh un!" Deidara hissed at me. I skipped over to the bomber, falling into his lap.

"Why?" I asked, probably distracting him with my impressive cleavage. Not to brag or anything, but I was a solid D.

"Leader-sama told us to sit here quietly and wait until you got back." I yanked his nose, annoying the other blonde.

"And here I am _chico_~" Kisame let out a breathy chuckle, reaching over to ruffle my hair.

"Thank God." he said. "Leader was getting mean." I pouted at Kisame.

"Don't mess up my gorgeous hair." I complained. Something snapped and I felt a hand grab me, hoisting me off Deidara.

"You motherfucking heathen bitch! You left us alone! With _Leader_!" I screamed as Hidan tossed me into the air.

"Asshole!" Kisame, being the most epically awesome sharky man that he is, caught me before Hidan could. "Kisame, thank you~!" I cried, hugging his neck tightly. Hidan was swearing in the background and some of what he said even I didn't know. And every other word is usually a swear for me.

"Sure kid." I nearly squealed. What came out though, I'm pretty sure wasn't human.

"Did you know, my darling Kisa-chan, that my dentist once told me that my teeth didn't look human?" I grinned, showing him my teeth. My peg laterals(those are the teeth next to the front teeth) were oddly sharp and thin, accompanied by the fact that they were small. Kisame chuckled and gave me his sharky grin.

"You're perfect love~" I told him, because_ god damn it_, Kisame needed fangirls. "Minna-san, take a page out of Kisame's book and learn how to be perfect like him~! Oh, except for Itachi-san of course, because Itachi-san is perfect beyond your feeble little comprehension."

"_Kisame_." Kisame tensed as Pein addressed him. "I wish to speak with you later." I raised an eyebrow at Pein.

"Don't admonish him for being himself, ¡por favor!" I threw random Spanish at him to throw him off. "Bakayaro, konoyaro!" I said, imitating B. Come on, not even Kishi likes his rhymes. And he made B. I guess I was a fangirl whore.

"I'll make note of what you said," Pein's monotone broke through my revelation.

"Hai hai~!" I tapped Kisame and he set me down. "We gots clothes and stuff. Come help us?"

Kisame shrugged, "Sure. Lead the way." I skipped back toward Itachi, who was in the dining room so it wasn't very far.

"Itachi-san~! Let us help your perfection~!" Hehe I guess my inner fangirl was showing herself. Itachi dipped his head in thanks, his hand bringing out a sealing scroll. He unraveled it, making a sign, and a poof came into existence. The air cleared quickly and my eyes widened at all of the clothes.

"Konan has one for herself, but here are clothes for the rest of the Akatsuki." At least they were in neat piles, with the Akatsuki's names underneath in kanji. I backed away.

"Yeah, I can't read kanji." I gave a nervous smile. "So any idea where we should put this?" I felt several sweat drops emerge on the others' faces. I chuckled nervously. Obviously I didn't think this through.

"We'll just put them in scrolls for the members to pick and choose as they please." Itachi stated. He began to reseal the clothes in scrolls that quite literally appeared out of nowhere. Disheartened, I slumped back to the couch, sitting on Hidan. He made a good cushion. Then again, anyone would make a good cushion.

"Bitch get the fuck off of me," he snarled in his lovely Hidan way. I simply patted his head condescendingly.

"Please Hidan-sama~?" I leaned forward, pouting, making sure he got an extra view of my cleavage. Hey, I might not personally find anything attractive but Hidan sure did. Yes people, I'm asexual. There I've finally said it out loud, well not really.

"Fine bitch." he grumbled. I wove my arms around his frame. Yeah, I constantly hug people. _It's what I do._

"Thank you o beautiful Hidan~!" I snuggled his bare chest. "But let's make this clear. You pick on anyone I love and I will chop your head off. And _I am_ psycho enough to do it." Hidan"s chest rumbled as he laughed loudly.

"Hahaha, looks like you were different than I thought bitch." I grinned, nodding.

"Oh yep. I can be a tough badass when I want to." I told him. "You push the wrong buttons and I'll saw your face off and wear it as a Halloween mask!" I said cheerfully. "But don't let that discourage you." I sighed then untangled myself from the immortal. "I have to go talk to Leader for a second. Will my spot still be there when I get back?" Hidan laughed, nodding.

"Sure, whatever bitch." I smiled slightly and kissed his cheek. Then I skipped off. Truthfully, I wasn't going to talk to Leader. There was someone else I needed to talk to.  
I found the masked man annoying my brother. Anthony looked up at me, pleading with his eyes to take Tobi away. I gave a sadistic smile while I wrapped my arms around the hyperactive megalomaniac.

"Hi Tobi~!" I greeted enthusiastically. Tobi clapped his hands, returning my embrace.

"Hi Sara-chan~! Tobi was just telling Anthony about the time Tobi ate a bad dango. Tobi got very sick." I giggled, patting Tobi's arm.

"Poor Tobi. Um Tobi I need to talk to you for a second." Tobi tilted his head.

"Ok~!" he chirped. I lead him to the basement, making sure no one was down there.

"Ok 'Madara' can you use some magical jutsu that will allow you to seal this room so no one hears us?" I asked, dropping the cheerful charade. I crossed my arms underneath my breasts, my stance guarded.

"Someone is forgetting their place." he grumbled, making a hand sign. "We may now speak freely. What is it that you wish to say to me?" I crossed the distance, my boots making clicks on the concrete.

"I know you aren't really Madara." I laid the card out.

"Oh?" he seemed amused. "Who am I then?"

"Uchiha Obito." I flatly stated. "I want to tell you that I won't allow you to use the Akatsuki as you please." Obito snorted.

"Oh really now. I'd like to see you try little girl." I grit my teeth, suppressing my anger. I stalked forward until we were mask to face.

"If I have to kill to prevent the Juubi's revival and Project Tsuki No Me, trust me, I will." I don't how, but I will prevent this bastard from doing whatever the fuck he wants. You can't just take away people's choices. It's not right.

He suddenly became angry, "You know nothing of my pain." I refused to back down though.

"I know _everything_." I snarled. "I know how much you loved Rin. How painful it was to watch her love Kakashi. I know what it was like to get crushed by that rock and to suddenly have your life saved by some crazy asshole who just wants to use you. I know of what you went through when _she_ died. Believe me I fucking _know_." Before I finished speaking, I realized I was crying. Fuck. I guess I really can't hate characters, even the villain. Actually, _especially_ the villain.

Obito narrowed his eye, looking like he wanted to move away. I wouldn't blame him. I can't deal with crying people either."You're...crying?" his tone surprised me. It was disbelief coloring his voice.

"Yes I'm fucking crying. Take a picture, it'll last longer." I said, somewhat spitefully. "You know why I'm crying? Because you're so incredibly sad that it pains me. It hurts me in ways you don't understand because up until a few hours ago, you were fictional." Obito was probably gazing blankly at me or something. Like I could tell with that mask.  
I took off my glasses. I didn't want them to get wet. I hated cleaning dried tears off of them. Plus I was getting a headache from moving my upper brow so much. I could see Obito as clearly as if I was wearing them. My eyes are slightly fucked up. Far-sighted in one eye and near-sighted in the other.

What completely took me by surprise was when Obito put a hand on his mask, intending to remove it. I watched as his face became visible, feeling so bad for him at the moment that I couldn't help but hug him.

He hesitantly placed his hands on my shoulders. I gripped his waist tighter, determined to comfort him in some small way. I realized at that moment that not many fans would be hugging Obito(maybe they would though, I don't know). Come on, he fucked a lot of people up...like Naraku from Inuyasha. Evil barstard. If he were here, I'd murder him with my bare hands.

"If you wish to speak with me again, simply ask. I will answer you to my best ability." Obito finally said, slipping his mask back on. I sniffed, wiping my cheeks dry. My eyes widened when I felt a hand ruffling my hair.

...

..

.

"...and that's how Tobi saved Sara-chan from the big nasty spider!" Kisame, Hidan, Deidara, and even Sasori laughed at me. I blushed in mortification. This is why I wanted to just rush past those guys because I couldn't hide the tell-tale tear marks.

"Haha you were crying because of a spider un?!" Deidara guffawed, practically choking on air. I Gibs-slapped the bastard, which caused him to laugh harder.

"It's not funny!" I yelled, feeling the blood rush further into my cheeks. "You didn't see that fucking thing! It was as big as my arm!" I flapped my arm in emphasis.

"Hahahaha, bitch I wish I was fucking _there_!" Hidan cackled. In my anger I grabbed the nearest thing, a pair of scissors, and threw it at the Jashinist. The blade end struck deeply in his neck, which began to spurt blood.

"Fuck! He's bleeding on the carpet!" I whined. "Kisame, or Kakuzu, someone get him to the kitchen please!" Kisame stood, ruffling my hair as he walked past. I hid the wince and my eyes glanced at Tobi. I saw his Sharingan and shivered.

"Aye aye captain!" Kisame mockingly saluted then picked Hidan's bleeding form up.

"Oi fish fucker put me the fuck down!?" I followed the duo into the kitchen, where Hidan began to bleed out. I laughed insanely.

"Sara-chan, where do you want me to put him?" Kisame asked, ignoring Hidan. I shrugged.

"Anywhere. And Hidan I warned you against insulting Kisame." I forced the scissors out of his neck and shoved them back in. Bastard fucking deserved it. Nobody insults Kisame on my watch. "Just so we're clear I have no trouble ripping your head off." I snarled. You know, I wonder where I'm getting all this anger from. "I am also apologizing if I seem a bit angry at you. Maybe it's because of what you're going to do, but I never really liked the guy you killed anyway. Or maybe it's because you should be nicer to my Kisame."

"What'd you say bitch?" Hidan choked on his own blood. I sighed, removing the scissors. "I kill some bastard or something? I do that all the time. I also insult fish fucker over here all the time." You know, now I saw why Kakuzu wanted to kill Hidan all the time.

"Kakuzu, darling, I feel your pain~!" I cried out to him. Kakuzu grunted, counting his money. I had also thought to steal a bunch of books on our economy and shit like that. It was kind of like a 'I'm sorry I'm making you pay and lose money' present. No doubt the old miser would read them soon.

"Good, someone at least knows Hidan is a fucking idiot and should just die." I skipped over to the miser, giving him an awkwardly brief hug. I say awkward because he was sitting down and I was standing so his face rammed into my boobs. But I didn't really care because this is Kakuzu.

"Oh, so Kakuzu gets a face full of fucking boob and I get fucking scissors in my fucking neck?! Fuck you bitch!" Hidan yelled. My eyes narrowed.

"Fuck you Hidan cause you know what? Kakuzu didn't laugh at me like you did. And even if you hadn't laughed you still wouldn't have gotten my glorious valley of the gods bitch-cakes." I defended. "My boobs are for certain people alone. Like Itachi-san and Sasori-danna." I got weird looks all around.

"What about me, Sara-chan?" Kisame asked, giving me a kind of pout. I reached and patted his shoulder, giving a patronizing smile.

"Sorry Kisame. You're a pervert too. Itachi-san and Sasori-danna aren't perverted, which is why my boobs are for them. If they need my boobs, I will come at any time they so wish." Sasori face-palmed. Itachi looked vaguely uncomfortable.

"Aw. I promise I won't be perverted! I'll change my ways Sara-chan!" I shook my head, looking downcast.

"Gomenne, Kisame. You'll always be my favorite shark though!" he seemed to be ok with this.

"I'll have to settle for that." he said, giving me his shark grin. I squealed and tackled him.

"And this is why I love Kisame. Look at this beautiful specimen! Can you not see his _perfection_?" I said to the other members in the room. Some of them grunted, and some ignored me. I got off Kisame, with some dignity intact, thanks.

"Kisame is not as perfect as you think un!" Deidara burst in. "Neither is that Uchiha bastard!" I waved him off.

"Meh, you're just jealous cause I haven't tackled you yet. I think I've hugged you, but not tackled." I said with a smirk. Deidara gave me a glare. "Honey, I've seen an Uchiha glare. That speaks for itself." I was purposely egging him on. Picking on Deidara seemed like fun.

"I can glare better than he can, yeah!" Deidara pointed at Itachi, who looked like he couldn't care less. I shrugged.

"Itachi-san your honor is at stake here!" I yelled loudly. I'm a loud person.

"Hn." he simply said. I gave a shocked look, putting a hand on my chest.

"Well I never." I scoffed. "Uchiha Itachi-san, _not_ giving a proper answer? Where's the action? The intensity? The romance?" I tended to overdramatize a lot. It's one of my more charming traits.

"Romance, un?" he asked, slightly disgusted, yet curious. I nodded.

"Yes, I'm writing a fan fiction where you're a lovestruck girl and Itachi-san is your Romeo, except you get into hilarious adventures because Itachi-san barely speaks. And you always misconstrue his meanings because you cannot speak the Uchiha language of 'Hn'." I grunted like Itachi, "So basically, it's a comedy, but Itachi-san, in my fic of course, does like you somewhat."

The looks I received were so hilarious. Kisame and Hidan were cackling, one still choking on his own blood(you can guess who). Kakuzu's scrunched to disgust. Sasori allowed a small, amused smile to bloom on his face. Itachi's actually distorted to one of surprise and what-the-fuckery. Deidara was looking a little green. He ran to the bathroom and I heard sounds of puking.

"Oh my god jajajaja*!" I cackled.

"It's not funny un!" Deidara yelled between vomiting.

"You're right it's not funny." I paused, "It's hilarious!" Then came the moment where I slipped and fell. I screamed, slamming my eyes shut, braced for impact. Instead, it never came. I hesitantly pried my eyes open and stared into the familiar red eyes of the Sharingan. Suddenly my chest felt tight. I couldn't breath and it was one of those 'time standing still' moments. Itachi blinked slowly and reality returned.

I felt myself hyperventilate as I was steadied. See, I have this fear of falling. Any kind of falling. I began laughing hysterically and crying at the same time.

"Are you ok, Sara-san?" Itachi asked. I shook my head, taking off my glasses and hiding my face in my arms. My sobs were loud apparently, for I felt feminine arms that belonged to Konan wrap themselves around my frame.

"Leave." she muttered lowly, combing her hands through my hair. "_Now_." I heard footsteps fade away, and it was just me and Konan in the kitchen.

"What'd they do?" she asked, sounding almost exasperated yet kind at the same time. I pulled away to look up at her.

"I-I tripped and fell, but I have this f-fear of falling s-so it just scared me is all." I explained brokenly, embarrassed. I can't believe I had just cried like that, and in front of the guys!

"Shh it's perfectly understandable. I certainly won't judge and neither should the eavesdroppers." the last part was more of a growl than anything. Konan was so much different than I had first thought. I smiled at her.

"You're very kind, Konan-chan." I hugged her briefly. "I'm fine now. Really." Konan gave me a piercing stare.

"If they ever make you cry again, I would be glad to help you hunt them down." I laughed.

"Us girls have to stick together, eh? You really are an angel, Konan-chan. Or should I call you Lady Tenshi?" I asked, conflicted on how to address this lovely woman. Konan is now my new favorite female character.

She smiled, "Konan-chan is alright with me."

"Konan-chan it is." I placed a hand on my lip, tapping out a rhythm. "You know, I'm a little curious." I gave a mischievous smirk, "Do you like Nagato?" Konan's eyes widened and I saw a blush against her pale skin.

"W-what?" Oh yeah, she definitely liked Nagato. "I-I mean, we're p-partners and all but..." she sighed, "I-I'm not sure i-if he would feel the same way." she admitted shyly. I nearly screeched, the evil matchmaker thoughts racing through my mind.

"I can help you with that Konan-chan." I gave a truly dastardly smirk. "First, let's go over your wardrobe."

...

..

.

Hours later, I had picked out which clothes would be suitable for Konan. I chose ones that accentuated her femininity, but also ones that made her look innocent. I didn't want Konan running around looking like a prostitute after all.

"Thank you Sara-chan." she bowed. I waved her off.

"It's fine. Just helping out a good friend." I smiled. She tilted her head, confused.

"But we just became human today."

"So?" I shrugged, "I consider you guys my friends. You forget that you're all supposed to be fictional characters. I really admired and loved the Akatsuki. Why wouldn't I consider you my friend?" Konan smiled kindly, and I saw a twinkle in her eyes that seemed absent from how she looked in the anime.

"You are a kind and sweet girl. Don't let us corrupt you." she gave me a brief hug before winking. "I think I'll go put on these pajamas you suggested. It's getting rather dark." she held up a blue tank top with decently short short shorts. She entered the room behind us and closed it with another smile in my direction.

I heard footsteps and tensed, ready to tell off whoever was coming up. I relaxed slightly when I saw Pein.

"Oh hey Pein!" I cheerfully greeted, aware that Konan could hear me. He grunted in my direction before going past me to retire to his quarters.

The scream that erupted made an evil smirk appear on my face.

* * *

I hope it was good~! Ja ne minna, see you next time~!  
*That's not a typo. Remember how I use random Spanish? Yeah, this is one of those times. Apparently, Spanish speakers use jajajaja instead of hahahaha because J is soft and pronounced like an h.


End file.
